Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
