I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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