okay pat passed out under dana's car
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
