How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
