My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
tell me about the eggs
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
