The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
