am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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