If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
