i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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