Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
