We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
