Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
