i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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