I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize