I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize