great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
