If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
