my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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