dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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