think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
accomplished twins. life is a go
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You may now shotgun with the bride
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
