can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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