from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
