My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
