I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
