i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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