I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
