ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
