at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I am one with the molecules
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
