doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
