Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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