I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she told me i tasted like america
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
