I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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