I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
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