I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Drunk is a universal language darling
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