just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
