I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
