I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
