All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
