and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
