it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
