We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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