"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
