you win again, gameday.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
