i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
