Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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