I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
