It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
