I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
