i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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