I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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