he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize