It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
