Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
