My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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