Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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