So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I think people are normalizing furries
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
