im holly from the hills drunk
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
