I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I have already put on my inside pants.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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