found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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