dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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