noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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