im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
