Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize