So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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