For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
