You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am naked and annoyed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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