plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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