just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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