This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
