It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize