I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
