New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You dont lie about slip and slides
But break dance skills will only take you so far
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
