Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
