Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
