im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
i out mim tonsoeep
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