You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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