problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
