I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
