Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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