so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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