I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
