There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
