I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
