i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize