dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm always down for nudity.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
