I could have mohawked her pubes.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We had sex on a dog bed..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
