I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
