Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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