508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
