I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
