Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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