So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
