Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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