i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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