fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
