I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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