Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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