he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize