Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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