Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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