I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
